Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Never Refreshed

Tell me the last time you did something truly for yourself.

I'll wait.

What stops you from taking care of yourself? Have you asked yourself this question lately?

Is it the notion of feeling selfish? We're taught early on to not be "selfish". And what do we learn so well in not being selfish? We learn to share, to put others first, to grin and be happy that others are happy. I'm wondering about the voice inside your head that silently screamed "What about ME?" When do I get (fill in the blank)? Regardless of whether it is the coveted toy we are forced to share or the moment to go to the bathroom alone, many of us yearn for the very thing we cannot have as we watch others enjoy it. As a child, our reaction might have been tears and tantrums. Tell me about the times, TODAY, when you experience the tears and tantrums and feel 4-years old again. Now, I'm not suggesting that we take all the toys and run. I'm talking about finding and living a balance. If we do not, then our lives suffer, our relationships suffer and our work suffers. If we cannot take care of ourselves, then how can we fully take care of others without becoming resentful of the time we focus on them? I can hear you asking, "Well, how am I supposed to do that?" And how easy it would be if I had a the magic, catch-all answer to post in this very spot. And yet I do not. I do not know your life and your experience. And yet, I believe that I can help you to establish that balance in your life. Call me. Do that for yourself today as you practice the first step in Self-Care. I can help you find the balance you seek.

How to Talk, How to Listen

Remember the childhood game in which someone whispered something into your ear and then you turned and whispered it into the next person's ear? What do you remember? I remember laughing out loud at what silliness came from the last person in the circle. Somewhere, somehow, the original message got REALLY scrambled! I'll bet that this never happens to you anymore. What? You say that it does still happen? Well, that's odd. Most people will say that they are good listeners. So, how in the world does the message get so messed up along the way? Especially, if the message is only going from one person to another! We have so many ways to communicate these days that it is even more confounding that we can't seem to get it right, consistently.

I'm thinking about my grandmother and that technology has advanced so greatly in her 88 years. They did not have a telephone when she was growing up. And now, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren have home phones, cell phones, e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging and probably more than I can know myself. Did you notice that I left out "conversation" from the previous sentence? Like letter writing, I fear that face-to-face communication is suffering a demise. How, then, do we mis-communicate so easily and so often? The world has become such a busy, fast-paced place. Fast food, microwaves, convection ovens, instant everything. The very things which are supposed to be freeing us are chaining us to another task.

How might your life be different if we slowed down? If we stopped to really listen - to anything! What might you hear that you've been missing? I miss silence from time to time. Often, after a long day, I find myself driving in silence, without even the radio on. Delicious, peaceful silence. I want to encourage you to stop and pay closer attention to not only what others are saying to you, but also, what you are saying to others. How are you saying the things that are important to you? Are you listening, really listening, to what others consider to be important? Or, are you "speed-listening"? When I was little, I remember TV commercials about the "Evelyn WoodsSpeed Reading Courses" and basically, if I remember correctly, it was teaching us to read major words where we could pick up the idea of the text. When I think of this in connection with how we hear, then, what if every 5th word that we attend to gives us a misinterpreted picture of what is actually being said? What if the important words are every 3rd or 7th and we're not listening to those? What if we hear only one key word and stop listening altogether - believing that we "KNOW" what is coming next (think Mind Reading 101). If I stop listening to what another says, assuming that I know the end of the story, then I will surely miss a lot. Not only will I miss a lot, I'm also being disrespectful of the person who is speaking. Take another perspective....what if you were the person talking and discovered that someone else only heard 1/4 - 1/3 or what you actually said. How respected would you feel?

If you believe that your communication style could be strengthened or enhanced,
contact me. I will sit and listen, really listen, to what you have to say. And then, I'll let you know that I heard you fully when we focus on ways that you can become the best communicator that you can be!

Friday, August 31, 2007

A New Year

It's New Year's Eve - plan the party, pull out the noise makers, the confetti and the champagne! I love the possibilities that exist for a brand new year.

Ok, so it's not January but for me, the new year has always started in September. The first day of school (ok, so I'm old enough to remember starting school AFTER Labor Day), the first cool front to blow in and clear out the heat and humidity, new clothes, school supplies. Is there anything better than school supplies, getting prepared to learn something new? (ok, so there might be a couple of things that might be better but that's another blog!). I'm remembering Tom Hanks in "You've Got Mail" ... "...a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils..."

On any given day, I will read from Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Simple Abundance" guidebook. On September 1 she speaks of turning over a new leaf. How easy when the leaves are beginning to FALL! She also shares that September, since ancient times, "...has been viewed as the beginning of the new year, a time of reflection and resolution." So, we are not just looking to the future today, but also embracing antiquity.

I get positively giddy at the thought of the first cold spell to touch our Gulf Coast. For one, it implies that Hurricane Season is nearing it's end, and that hopefully, we can breathe another sigh of relief. Coolness, a crispness that has been missing for some time as we experience the rain, the heat and the humidity also known as the Texas Gulf Coast. How do you "celebrate" the change in season? Do you throw open the doors and windows? It's not just for spring anymore! Air out your home and rejuvenate the feel of the place. Light candles that are scented of the fall - cinnamon and spices and baked goods! Change our surroundings in subtle ways. Watch as the days become shorter and shorter until the Winter Solstice in December. Brian's birthday is that day and being the shortest day of the year, really needs to pack as much into that day as possible to celebrate! It is a year of celebration. Celebrate with me and consider September 1st as New Year's Day. Consider the possibilities that await. I am!

Monday, August 20, 2007

A Busy Weekend

I spent a very busy weekend in preparation for the possibility of Hurricane Dean. Like many of you, I spent too many hours attempting to flee Hurricane Rita and I wanted to be more prepared. Silly me. If I wanted to be more prepared for a hurricane, why did I wait until the virtual last minute? Who knows. Perhaps I had been taking the Scarlett O'Hara approach - "I'll think about that tomorrow" sort of thoughts. So, I'm now "better" prepared and also breathing a sigh of relief - although, hopefully not a premature one.

I spent Friday running like a fiend. I had rented a storage facility to house all of the "stuff" which has accumulated and began to move some of those things over - primarily the tons of Christmas decorations which I've accumulated over these many years. Other things will also move over and it will be determined exactly what is necessary and what is not. I also spent a lot of time speaking with Katie and Mary, dear women who work for my insurance agent, Linda Tuck. Not only was it for me but also for my grandmother and her belongings! I then went to Nana's house and photographed everything that I could think of. I'm going to put all of these photos onto discs and place them in very safe places - just in case. "Just in Case" - isn't that the place where things begin to accumulate? Hmmm. So, anyway, I spent the better part of Saturday and Sunday moving more stuff, with Brian's help, and then organizing and photographing it all. I can truly say that I am beat today, even as it all begins again. So, what have you put off? What do you not like to deal with but find yourself forced to do at the "last minute"? I'm focused on learning a valuable lesson from this experience. Join me?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

...about a moment in time.

I'm thinking this morning about how our lives can change in a simple moment in time. In one instance, we're leading our normal lives, doing the things that we do. Making the bed, taking out the trash, sharing our love with someone, feeling the wind in our hair.

A very good man is lying in a bed in Hermann Hospital with an aneurism. His wife and one of his daughters are now experiencing a glimpse at another life. The one that you lead when you begin to live in the waiting room. Waiting. Hoping. Praying for miracles. I've sat in the very waiting room that the family sits in now. You learn quickly about this new community, as you begin to answer the phone as it rings because you now "live" in this area. Waiting to live again with your loved one. This good man had no reason to anticipate that he would be here. Nor did his wife, a good woman as well. And yet, this is their life for the time being. The work we do, our trades, lose all importance when a situation like this occurs. Those very things that for some, steal our time away from the ones we love, or even the things we love to do. And yet, as I write those words, I believe fully that this man combined the different aspects of his life very well.

He rides a motorcycle. Just last week I got to have lunch with him. He sounded so passionate about the trips he takes with his wife on their motorcycle. He spoke of the safety measures that are there - leathers, helmets and such. And, he spoke about the good feeling to simply say to one another, "let's go for a ride" and to just get on the bike and ride - see the world around them and feel it in a completely different way. With passion. He took those simple moments and shared them with this good woman. He has used his moments well, it seems. I pray for him now and for his family. I wish him many more good rides with her. I wish you all the opportunity to seize your moments because we never know what might change the moments that we have. Remember, please, to pray for this lovely family. Send them your strength as they wait and hope.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Through a Different Lens

How do you see yourself?

Are you critical of yourself?

When someone gives you a compliment, how loud is the voice in your head which denies that which has been given so freely?

For most of us, the voice is loud and powerful and denies the compliments...denies that we are deserving of the words so feely given. And, it never seems to matter that we might hear the compliments several times or from several sources, don't we fall back on the negative voice in our head?

Have you ever asked yourself why you do this? Why should we trust one negative voice over even one positive voice? Why do the negative voices carry so much more weight? Is it because the negative voices confirm our "truth" - the notion that "if they only knew the REAL me they would see that they are wrong?"

I invite you to consider that the negative voice might be WRONG!

Blasphemy on my part, I'm sure. And yet, not. No one is as critical as we are of ourselves. Could this be because others look past our flaws, our wrinkles, our few extra pounds, our bad hair days to see the quality and the character that better defines you? And while they are looking past these things, we take the strongest magnifying glass and examine them and find ourselves to blame for their existence. And maybe we are responsible for not having said no to that extra delicious, hot donut (or two) or for having chosen to not do something that works our muscles on any given day. But consider the notion of seeing your "faults" from a different perspective.

The aging process is not a kind one. For some, more so than others, but still, it affects us all. So, consider this.....the next time you notice a new line to your Crow's Foot Collection (designer label?), remember all the laughter that went into creating them. When you see a furrowed brow, remember that you are a kind soul who worried enough about someone else to furrow that brow. When you look at the arms or belly or thighs that are no longer what they once were, remember that you might have birthed and nursed a child, held loved ones, comforted friends in times of quiet or sadness or passion - those very arms and bellies and thighs have been strong enough, comforting enough for another. Bless these parts of your body if you can. It's about looking at ourselves from a different perspective. Look at yourself as you look at others. Why do they deserve any more than you do? Does it feel selfish? Or have we become self-less...thinking, feeling, believing that we are less-than if we are not perfect.

Be kind to yourself. And while I do not mean for us to simply accept and not work toward being the best me that I can be, accept that we are the sum of every moment, both good and bad, happy and sad, of our lives. Each of those moments are a part of us to our core, our cellular level. They are the visible memories that we carry. You are the sum of all of these parts.

Monday, July 30, 2007

July

So, July will come to a close tomorrow. August. Amazing that 7 months have passed in this year and there are only 5 months remaining. What have you done this year? Are you on your way to meeting your goals? Did you stick to your New Year's resolutions?



School will start soon. I love the fall and the notion of school starting. It's been years since I started school in the fall but I love the memory. There's a line from "You've Got Mail" in which Tom Hanks talks about a "bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils". I love that line. I love the idea of new clothes, brand new notebooks to be filled with words of all kinds. Map pencils and rulers....am I showing my age too much? The notion that the days are becoming shorter - not noticeably yet, but on their way to shorter days and I love that. The whole notion of moving towards fall and winter excites me so much. The promise of that first cool spell. Ok, I am getting ahead of myself considering how very HOT and humid that it's been lately. Ok, so here are my thoughts for the day. Make it a fantastic ending to our 7th month! Take care.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

here's the link...

For more information about The Nurtured Heart Approach to Transforming Difficult Children, please check out the website at http://www.difficultchild.com/.
Ok, practicing my ability to be able to have you link to other places.....



http://www.difficultchild.com/

http://www.deleedarcytherapy.com/

"Transforming the Difficult Child: TheNurtured Heart Approach"

Gulf Coast Computers

Success is the ONLY option!

I teach parenting classes and I love them. They are a great way for me to connect with good people who are trying to raise good children. Last night, one of the parents from my class called with a brief question related to parenting. We discussed her issue briefly and then she gave me a huge compliment - she said that I should be out there, on the internet, letting others know me. She complimented my style, saying that I had good energy and that I could engage people easily. I was so pleased to hear this. While I don't teach parenting for the kudos, I am like many people - I like to hear that I am being successful at what I'm attempting to do. And I do get energized talking with parents about raising their children. I want them to feel successful as much as I want them to raise successful children. I teach a lot from a book called "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach" by Howard Glasser and Jennifer Easley. When I went to Tucson years ago for the advanced training to become a Certified Trainer, our motto was, and remains, "Success is the only option!" - for everyone! Speaking of which, check out www.difficultchild.com for more information on The Nurtured Heart Approach. It works! And, it can work quickly! Anyway, I digress.....I love getting excited about my work. I love getting to sit with people and hear their stories, their trials and concerns and watch, help, support and encourage them toward the change that they seek. There is so much in my head that will eventually come out onto this blog, or show up in my webste (www.deleespace.com), so please, check back.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Websites and Creativity

I have been literally struggling to get my new computer up and running and I think I finally have it. It took the help of Mark Johnstone with Gulf Coast Computers, the good folks at my ISP, Ygnition, Dell computer techs and a guy named Dave with Microsoft in India. Thanks to them all for their support and patience! Exhausting does not begin to describe how this was for me. Shouldn't it be that computers are simple - plug in and go? Well, they aren't for me. I'm glad to be back on line and getting ready to gear up and build my passion - Therapy!

So, now I'm in the process of creating my website. Check it out:
http://www.deleedarcytherapy.com/. Be sure to check in periodically because it will evolve daily, I'm sure.

As an undergraduate Art Major at SFASU I would find myself challenged in regard to: "where to begin" in creating something new. I find myself back there again and wonder if this is something that you find as well - I call it paralized by possibility.

If you are in a moment of creative contemplation, be patient. Let it unfold and don't wait for "perfect". This moment is perfect if we stop and consider it deeply. Sit for a moment, breathe deeply and be aware of all that is around you. In this very moment, all is well. Breathe it in and know that you can feel this in every NOW moment.
Take care.



Monday, July 2, 2007

88 and going strong!


Nana is 88 years old today and was spry and so happy to see me when I walked in to meet her for lunch today. It was a delightful lunch with her. 88 years is a very long time. Just think of all that she has seen and experienced. She grew up near San Angelo, Texas, a place near and dear to my heart as we still have family living there. It was in San Angelo that she met her husband, Bill, married and had their only daughter, Dorothy - my mom. They moved to Texas City in 1949 - two years after "The Blast" at the request of her brother, Jerome. There were no computers or telephones or microwave ovens when she was growing up. Nana was the oldest daughter of 9 surviving children. The family worked as sharecroppers although it seems as though the Williams did pretty well for themselves, even back then. In 1969, Nana turned 50 and I remember watching the astronauts take "one giant leap for mankind" on the surface of the moon. She worked for (at that time) Houston Natural Gas, which later became Entex and then Enron. She states that Ken Lay used to come out to the warehouse where she worked and stop at her desk to talk. Gratefully, she lost nothing in that fiasco. She has lived through many losses: her adopted daughter, Darlene, her husband, Gene, Jerome, Brooks, Berman, Cleo, Homer and Marietta: her brothers and sisters. She lost her daughter, Dorothy, unexpectedly, 4 years ago. We continue to reel from that one, although differently than when we first lost her.

Two of Nana's brothers reached the age of 90: Uncle Berman and most recently, Uncle Wimpy. I wonder if she'll live to her 90th birthday? What will her remaining years be like. I can only hope that she lives well and contented. My sister and I try to provide this for her and some days are more challenging than others. Aging can be challenging and yet there are moments when we see the grace and joy that we remember from childhood. Happy Birthday, Nana.
Photo courtesy of Ramie Babcock Photography.

Friday, June 29, 2007

In the beginning....


there is the notion of having this blank canvas upon which to write. Daunting and yet exciting. I've had lots of thoughts about how I might use this space for my own personal growth and to ignite a spark in a client. Hopefully, some will be useful.

My grandmother, Nana, will be 88 on Monday. She is amazingly beautiful and yet, does not think so. She has great hair - good body and gorgeous color. When she was young, her hair was the deepest, most beautiful auburn. I am remembering specific photos of her which I look at from time to time. Last weekend, we had photos taken of "the girls". The girls in question are no longer "girls" and yet, we are. We're all over 45 (I don't have to say how MUCH over, do I?). In the photos were me, my sister, Debbie, Nana, and two wonderful cousins, Jo Etta and Varga Lee - the daughters of Nana's sisters. Each of us is separated from Nana by one wonderful woman and we miss them all terribly. So, it was so great to get all of us together for this great photo shoot.

Ramie Babcock did the honors of capturing us and I cannot wait to see how they all turn out. She is SO creative and even more fun than creative. I met her recently through a mutual friend of ours - Tori Lococo, owner of My Trainer in League City. Amazing women, these two!

Well, this is my first attempt at blogging and I think I did ok for a first shot. I'll be curious to see the evolution over time.
Photography by Ramie Babcock Photography