Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Working to your Strengths

So, I'm really tired tonight but I had to sit down and begin this. I've been so busy thinking about so many things and need to get it out. I've been thinking a lot lately about strengths and purpose and greatness. I'll get to all of those eventually, but as of today, I'm talking about strengths.

I was sitting in my office today, waiting for a client who eventually no-showed. Ok, so I was able to put the time to good use, but please, if you are serious about your mental health issues, please remember that cancelling is an important, and courteous, thing to do. If I'm waiting for you and don't know that you won't show up, I can't offer the time to someone who might really need to be seen and heard. Ok, enough of that.

So, I'm sitting in my office and glanced over at my bookshelf. A book, "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton just jumps out at me. I had purchased this book many years ago when I worked for a mental health agency in Houston which shall remain nameless at this juncture. Anyway, I worked in sub-mid-managment and had a staff of 8-10 folks. I believe that I created a really good team of therapists by looking at their strengths and playing on these. Anyway, I bought this book to help myself to know them, and me, better. So, today, I began reading it again and I was completely struck by how this weaves in beautifully with The Nurtured Heart Approach to Transforming Difficult Children (see
www.difficultchild.com for more information). In NHA, inform, encourage and teach parents to play to the strengths of their children (and significant others). What I've noticed is that many good-intentioned people are challenged to let go of noticing the mistakes, the flaws. They are challenged to notice instead, in a strong and positive way, the good, successful, right moments and deeds of those around them.

The book begins by talking about really influential and successful people who are not 100% "perfect" - instead the book looks at the fact that these folks like Warren Buffet, Tiger Woods and others "deliberately play to his strengths" (p.21) and CHOOSE not to focus on their weaknesses. They are human and have weaknesses, but these are less important when the strengths are spotlighted.

"Discover Your Strength" defines strength as a "consistent and near perfect performance in an activity" (p. 25). I was particularly impressed and reminded that the simplicity, or limitations of our languaging greatly impacts our choices - the majority of our language about human behavior is one of frailty and weakness. Language for our strengths is by comparison, indeed limited.

So, why do we focus on our weaknesses? They draw so many of us as if moths to a flame, which is an interesting visual, isn't it? Per the book, it appears that we view strengths as "just" strengths, admirable and yet not remarkable. On the other hand, a weakness is, or becomes, an "area of opportunity". Without blame, I notice many of us identifying the flaws or mistakes our children make, amplifying these "areas of opportunity" and what do our children hear? They are not hearing about their Greatness, are they? No. They hear repeatedly as we give great energy to their flaws.

And are they 100% flawed? NO they are not. In fact, I challenge you to consider the percentage of "flaw" in yourself, your significant love or your learning, growing, easily-influened child, what would the number be? EVEN if you CHOSE a number like 25 or 50% flawed, that is still 50-75% NOT FLAWED, or, could we, dare we, say "full of strength and Greatness"? Can we say, glass half full? It is all about perspective and I believe that it is not just important, but necessary, to consider a different perspective.

There is definitely much more to be said about this, so check back. As it is, these are just some thoughts. Have a great day.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Where does time go?

It's time to get back into blogging! It's a new year - well into the new year, I might add, and I've had so many thoughts about what to blog. I'm really enjoying my work this year. My work is more of a passion and yet, a passion that has not died out. Have you ever thought about that? We become passionate about things (or people) and then where are we when the passion, or fire, fades? If we are lucky, we've built enough and worked enough to keep things up for the long haul. And life is about work, isn't it? I don't mean the work we do to earn a living but the work that it takes to maintain family and relationship ties, friendships, passion for everyday life. I see so many people and families who are searching and yearning to get back to ...... something and often, they do not know what they are wanting to get back to. I love that I get to help people every single day to remember what they are seeking. More thoughts later.