So, posting once a month.....

....is not exactly what I'd planned, but that's what it looks like for me at this time. I'm excited about the spring and must say, that the Easter gathering of my family was delightful. Even though a couple of family members were absent, and missed, the day was .....well, great. it was as if we turned a corner and returned to - recaptured - the joy, the humor and the family-ness that we longed for. It had been 5 years since our last family dinner with our mom and she was missed - my sister and I both hope that we are carrying on her love of family and tradition. The young men of our family, Matt and Andrew, each brought the significant young women in their lives to share our Easter. We are grateful that they chose to spend this time with us and add to the fun of our weekend. Kelsey and Olivia are truly sweet and good young women.

I'm very excited about the work that I am doing just now with so many new and varied clients. Their stories are rich and important and I'm honored to be a part of their journey. My daily wish is that I can be of some help to each person that I touch. I'm grateful for the clients that come my way. Thank you to the universe for bringing each of them to me.

More in the very near future.....

Working to your Strengths

So, I'm really tired tonight but I had to sit down and begin this. I've been so busy thinking about so many things and need to get it out. I've been thinking a lot lately about strengths and purpose and greatness. I'll get to all of those eventually, but as of today, I'm talking about strengths.

I was sitting in my office today, waiting for a client who eventually no-showed. Ok, so I was able to put the time to good use, but please, if you are serious about your mental health issues, please remember that cancelling is an important, and courteous, thing to do. If I'm waiting for you and don't know that you won't show up, I can't offer the time to someone who might really need to be seen and heard. Ok, enough of that.

So, I'm sitting in my office and glanced over at my bookshelf. A book, "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton just jumps out at me. I had purchased this book many years ago when I worked for a mental health agency in Houston which shall remain nameless at this juncture. Anyway, I worked in sub-mid-managment and had a staff of 8-10 folks. I believe that I created a really good team of therapists by looking at their strengths and playing on these. Anyway, I bought this book to help myself to know them, and me, better. So, today, I began reading it again and I was completely struck by how this weaves in beautifully with The Nurtured Heart Approach to Transforming Difficult Children (see www.difficultchild.com for more information). In NHA, inform, encourage and teach parents to play to the strengths of their children (and significant others). What I've noticed is that many good-intentioned people are challenged to let go of noticing the mistakes, the flaws. They are challenged to notice instead, in a strong and positive way, the good, successful, right moments and deeds of those around them.

The book begins by talking about really influential and successful people who are not 100% "perfect" - instead the book looks at the fact that these folks like Warren Buffet, Tiger Woods and others "deliberately play to his strengths" (p.21) and CHOOSE not to focus on their weaknesses. They are human and have weaknesses, but these are less important when the strengths are spotlighted.

"Discover Your Strength" defines strength as a "consistent and near perfect performance in an activity" (p. 25). I was particularly impressed and reminded that the simplicity, or limitations of our languaging greatly impacts our choices - the majority of our language about human behavior is one of frailty and weakness. Language for our strengths is by comparison, indeed limited.

So, why do we focus on our weaknesses? They draw so many of us as if moths to a flame, which is an interesting visual, isn't it? Per the book, it appears that we view strengths as "just" strengths, admirable and yet not remarkable. On the other hand, a weakness is, or becomes, an "area of opportunity". Without blame, I notice many of us identifying the flaws or mistakes our children make, amplifying these "areas of opportunity" and what do our children hear? They are not hearing about their Greatness, are they? No. They hear repeatedly as we give great energy to their flaws.

And are they 100% flawed? NO they are not. In fact, I challenge you to consider the percentage of "flaw" in yourself, your significant love or your learning, growing, easily-influened child, what would the number be? EVEN if you CHOSE a number like 25 or 50% flawed, that is still 50-75% NOT FLAWED, or, could we, dare we, say "full of strength and Greatness"? Can we say, glass half full? It is all about perspective and I believe that it is not just important, but necessary, to consider a different perspective.

There is definitely much more to be said about this, so check back. As it is, these are just some thoughts. Have a great day.

Where does time go?

It's time to get back into blogging! It's a new year - well into the new year, I might add, and I've had so many thoughts about what to blog. I'm really enjoying my work this year. My work is more of a passion and yet, a passion that has not died out. Have you ever thought about that? We become passionate about things (or people) and then where are we when the passion, or fire, fades? If we are lucky, we've built enough and worked enough to keep things up for the long haul. And life is about work, isn't it? I don't mean the work we do to earn a living but the work that it takes to maintain family and relationship ties, friendships, passion for everyday life. I see so many people and families who are searching and yearning to get back to ...... something and often, they do not know what they are wanting to get back to. I love that I get to help people every single day to remember what they are seeking. More thoughts later.

Never Refreshed

Tell me the last time you did something truly for yourself.

I'll wait.

What stops you from taking care of yourself? Have you asked yourself this question lately?

Is it the notion of feeling selfish? We're taught early on to not be "selfish". And what do we learn so well in not being selfish? We learn to share, to put others first, to grin and be happy that others are happy. I'm wondering about the voice inside your head that silently screamed "What about ME?" When do I get (fill in the blank)? Regardless of whether it is the coveted toy we are forced to share or the moment to go to the bathroom alone, many of us yearn for the very thing we cannot have as we watch others enjoy it. As a child, our reaction might have been tears and tantrums. Tell me about the times, TODAY, when you experience the tears and tantrums and feel 4-years old again. Now, I'm not suggesting that we take all the toys and run. I'm talking about finding and living a balance. If we do not, then our lives suffer, our relationships suffer and our work suffers. If we cannot take care of ourselves, then how can we fully take care of others without becoming resentful of the time we focus on them? I can hear you asking, "Well, how am I supposed to do that?" And how easy it would be if I had a the magic, catch-all answer to post in this very spot. And yet I do not. I do not know your life and your experience. And yet, I believe that I can help you to establish that balance in your life. Call me. Do that for yourself today as you practice the first step in Self-Care. I can help you find the balance you seek.

How to Talk, How to Listen

Remember the childhood game in which someone whispered something into your ear and then you turned and whispered it into the next person's ear? What do you remember? I remember laughing out loud at what silliness came from the last person in the circle. Somewhere, somehow, the original message got REALLY scrambled! I'll bet that this never happens to you anymore. What? You say that it does still happen? Well, that's odd. Most people will say that they are good listeners. So, how in the world does the message get so messed up along the way? Especially, if the message is only going from one person to another! We have so many ways to communicate these days that it is even more confounding that we can't seem to get it right, consistently.

I'm thinking about my grandmother and that technology has advanced so greatly in her 88 years. They did not have a telephone when she was growing up. And now, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren have home phones, cell phones, e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging and probably more than I can know myself. Did you notice that I left out "conversation" from the previous sentence? Like letter writing, I fear that face-to-face communication is suffering a demise. How, then, do we mis-communicate so easily and so often? The world has become such a busy, fast-paced place. Fast food, microwaves, convection ovens, instant everything. The very things which are supposed to be freeing us are chaining us to another task.

How might your life be different if we slowed down? If we stopped to really listen - to anything! What might you hear that you've been missing? I miss silence from time to time. Often, after a long day, I find myself driving in silence, without even the radio on. Delicious, peaceful silence. I want to encourage you to stop and pay closer attention to not only what others are saying to you, but also, what you are saying to others. How are you saying the things that are important to you? Are you listening, really listening, to what others consider to be important? Or, are you "speed-listening"? When I was little, I remember TV commercials about the "Evelyn WoodsSpeed Reading Courses" and basically, if I remember correctly, it was teaching us to read major words where we could pick up the idea of the text. When I think of this in connection with how we hear, then, what if every 5th word that we attend to gives us a misinterpreted picture of what is actually being said? What if the important words are every 3rd or 7th and we're not listening to those? What if we hear only one key word and stop listening altogether - believing that we "KNOW" what is coming next (think Mind Reading 101). If I stop listening to what another says, assuming that I know the end of the story, then I will surely miss a lot. Not only will I miss a lot, I'm also being disrespectful of the person who is speaking. Take another perspective....what if you were the person talking and discovered that someone else only heard 1/4 - 1/3 or what you actually said. How respected would you feel?

If you believe that your communication style could be strengthened or enhanced, contact me. I will sit and listen, really listen, to what you have to say. And then, I'll let you know that I heard you fully when we focus on ways that you can become the best communicator that you can be!

A New Year

It's New Year's Eve - plan the party, pull out the noise makers, the confetti and the champagne! I love the possibilities that exist for a brand new year.

Ok, so it's not January but for me, the new year has always started in September. The first day of school (ok, so I'm old enough to remember starting school AFTER Labor Day), the first cool front to blow in and clear out the heat and humidity, new clothes, school supplies. Is there anything better than school supplies, getting prepared to learn something new? (ok, so there might be a couple of things that might be better but that's another blog!). I'm remembering Tom Hanks in "You've Got Mail" ... "...a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils..."

On any given day, I will read from Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Simple Abundance" guidebook. On September 1 she speaks of turning over a new leaf. How easy when the leaves are beginning to FALL! She also shares that September, since ancient times, "...has been viewed as the beginning of the new year, a time of reflection and resolution." So, we are not just looking to the future today, but also embracing antiquity.

I get positively giddy at the thought of the first cold spell to touch our Gulf Coast. For one, it implies that Hurricane Season is nearing it's end, and that hopefully, we can breathe another sigh of relief. Coolness, a crispness that has been missing for some time as we experience the rain, the heat and the humidity also known as the Texas Gulf Coast. How do you "celebrate" the change in season? Do you throw open the doors and windows? It's not just for spring anymore! Air out your home and rejuvenate the feel of the place. Light candles that are scented of the fall - cinnamon and spices and baked goods! Change our surroundings in subtle ways. Watch as the days become shorter and shorter until the Winter Solstice in December. Brian's birthday is that day and being the shortest day of the year, really needs to pack as much into that day as possible to celebrate! It is a year of celebration. Celebrate with me and consider September 1st as New Year's Day. Consider the possibilities that await. I am!

A Busy Weekend

I spent a very busy weekend in preparation for the possibility of Hurricane Dean. Like many of you, I spent too many hours attempting to flee Hurricane Rita and I wanted to be more prepared. Silly me. If I wanted to be more prepared for a hurricane, why did I wait until the virtual last minute? Who knows. Perhaps I had been taking the Scarlett O'Hara approach - "I'll think about that tomorrow" sort of thoughts. So, I'm now "better" prepared and also breathing a sigh of relief - although, hopefully not a premature one.

I spent Friday running like a fiend. I had rented a storage facility to house all of the "stuff" which has accumulated and began to move some of those things over - primarily the tons of Christmas decorations which I've accumulated over these many years. Other things will also move over and it will be determined exactly what is necessary and what is not. I also spent a lot of time speaking with Katie and Mary, dear women who work for my insurance agent, Linda Tuck. Not only was it for me but also for my grandmother and her belongings! I then went to Nana's house and photographed everything that I could think of. I'm going to put all of these photos onto discs and place them in very safe places - just in case. "Just in Case" - isn't that the place where things begin to accumulate? Hmmm. So, anyway, I spent the better part of Saturday and Sunday moving more stuff, with Brian's help, and then organizing and photographing it all. I can truly say that I am beat today, even as it all begins again. So, what have you put off? What do you not like to deal with but find yourself forced to do at the "last minute"? I'm focused on learning a valuable lesson from this experience. Join me?