Oh joy! In the process of blogging-by-phone and it seems I asked for help! Guess it was a bit Freudian after the week I've had. It was going to be busy and then, it stayed busier! Not much rest for the weary this week. Guess I'll be really grateful for the peace that's to come. Happy Thursday!

HELP 4

It's normal to cry

"Do not apologize for crying.

Without this emotion, we are only robots."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Virtually every week, I sit with someone who apologizes for crying in my office. I'm simultaneously surprised and saddened that they would feel this need. As a therapist it is my work to help people get into a deeper touch with their emotions. And when we go deeper, we may experience feelings that bring up tears. It's normal to cry. It's a release to cry! It's powerful to cry. It's OK to cry! And, I believe, it's necessary to cry - to allow or to give ourselves the moments of being with ourselves.

Crying does not make you or me weaker. It helps us reconnect to ourselves...the part of ourselves which is raw and authentic and often, disconnected. If even a part of me is disconnected, then it takes a lot of work to keep that part stuffed down. The energy needed to stuff any feelings is depleting when in our lives we should be about energizing and building up! What if I suggested that your tears, my tears, were all of the unspoken words we've held inside..the words which may have been brought forth but not heard by another?

It's a leap of faith to cry the 'old' tears. Trust me when I say that I know this of which I speak. I've cried the old, buried, abandoned tears. I've cried deeply and painfully. I've reached down to the core of me, down to the toes and cried it out. Sometimes one tear at a time,sometimes in floods. I know how initially draining this can be and then....how calming the release feels.

I know that if my clients have held back their tears, there is the fear that the tears, when allowed to flow, will NEVER stop.

They will.

I will hold this truth for you, or someone you know. I will trust that with the right person, in the right moment, you will find your tears and feel them begin to wash away the pain or the hurt.

I love looking at the sky....

...because it is ever-changing. You can count on the sky to be different, stunning, promising, threatening....basically a good communicator of how things are or how they will be. We have learned to read the sky and most of us are pretty good at it. We've learned "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" and based on Brian's years of fishing offshore, it's right on track.

Working with my clients, I've come to realize that we aren't as happy with difference in our spouses, partners, kiddos, family. We want them to be consistent, we want to know what to expect or depend on. And, ususally we are disappointed because that is just not how we humans roll.

So, the thought for today is this......what if you looked at the people in your lives as you begin to look at the sky.....with awe, with wonder, with amazement at the diversity that a moment can make. What if they looked at you in that way as well. How might your life be different?

So, about this picture. Interestingly enough, 2 of my friends posted similar photos on FaceBook from this exact sunset. My sister and I were at the mall, Matt 'n Kelsie were in town for a wedding and we just had to pull over and take pictures of this. Stunning, huh? I love it because it is a most unique sky and reminds me of some very good days. What do you connect to your good days?

It's ok to breathe first!

If you've ever flown on a plane, you know that safety procedures are shared almost before the plane leaves the gate. You'll hear that there are exits in the front, the rear and over the wings of the plane. If you are traveling over water, you may hear that your seat cushions can be used as a flotation devise. You will also then hear, that if the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling and the flight attendants will demonstrate how you secure the masks on your face. They will also advise that if you are traveling with small children or the elderly, you........

What do you do?

Who gets the mask first?

If you answered that your children do, you are among the majority. Most people will answer this way.
And yet.....that's incorrect.

"WHAT?" you ask in shock. How on earth could you suggest that to me? My children are precious and I must save them first. (Of course, they are precious and of course you will do what you must to save them - so, read on!)

In actuality, you are called to secure YOUR OWN MASK first and then see to the children or elderly.

"But, I can't do that. It would be so SELFISH!"

I'll come back to the idea of selfish but first I want you to stop and consider WHY they tell you this. Consider that if the cabin loses pressure, you will likely be witnessing a scene out of an "Airplane" movie: people upset, anxious, screaming and flailing about. Imagine trying to calm someone else during the chaos as you try to get their mask properly affixed. What happens if it takes some time to accomplish this? What happens to YOU and your brain, as you are deprived of oxygen? In all seriousness, if you take care of yourself, your brain will be nourished and happy and you'll be able to take care of all those around you. Now imagine that the plane recovers and goes about it's merry way. Perhaps you will have saved your child(ren) but what will become of them if you have not gotten to your own oxygen in time?

So, it would be selfish, huh? What did you learn about selfish when you were growing up? Selfish is doing for yourself and not doing for others, right?

Maybe that's only part of the picture.

I checked out the definition of selfish at Merriam-Webster and here is what I discovered:

1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others
3 : being an actively replicating repetitive sequence of nucleic acid that serves no known function ; also : being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

Now, I added the bold italics because I loved seeing these definitions and the degree or intensity of personal concern, advantage or well-being that is noted. Doesn't this suggest that there is a degree of self-care or thought that comes before excessiveness takes over?

I want you to consider this for yourself. What I tend to find is that more people become SELF-LESS instead of selfish. It's as if the "I/me" gets lost because of how we do not want to be perceived by others.

Now, I am not suggesting that you pack up and move to Selfishville. Nor do I want you to take up permanent residency in Selfless Town. I want to encourage you to consider what you NEED and WANT to do for yourself in order to continue to take care of others in that lovely little burb known as Balance. Without balance we can become irritated and resentful. And that, my friends, is a story for another day.

Take care of you!

The Full of Food Sigh

Have you ever heard of this phenomenon? I had not until recently a good friend named Rhonda and I were talking about - what else? weight loss. She told me about the "sigh" that signals when we have reached fullness and SHOULD STOP EATING! This of course caught my attention enough that it was over a full week later that I became aware of it. Last night I was eating my dinner, slowly, consciously and thoughtfully eating when I realized that I sighed! As much as my eyes wanted to complete the plate of food, I stopped. And I sat there for a moment to let it all register - isn't that the purpose of being mindful of our eating? I realized that I was indeed feeling comfortably full and there was food still on my plate. Now that? was a definite first! And so, I was able to clear the food and clean the kitchen and feel comfortably satiated.

I attended a workshop on Friday featuring Frank Kros from the UpsideDown Brain Organization. It was awesome and while the focus was indeed on the brain and ADD/ADHD, there was certainly some learning for me about the "parts" of the brain. So, there is this tiny little portion of the brain called the Hypothalmus which controls, among other things, body temperature and food satiation. This is the wonderful part of our body which tells us that we are full, if we listen to it and pay attention! While I also knew that natural light is important for our well-being, I also learned that natural light positively affects the hypothalmus. If we get too little, it decreases serotonin production - not a good thing - Serotonin helping us to produce "happy" and all. I'm sure that in future posts I'll be talking about all that I am learning about the brain because it is truly a fascinating organ and I continue to be amazed how little we realize, in our day-to-day operations what is actually going on in these bodies of ours. Therefore, important to take care of it and nurture it well. Until later......pay attention to the sigh and see how it changes your life!

Why weight?

Is losing weight one of your New Year’s resolutions? If so, you are not alone. But then, you know that. We live in a world where obesity is at epidemic proportions and we hear about it often. What does it say about our world where it makes the news to identify the fattest city in the country? What makes them fat? What makes us fat?

I don’t have the answers. If I did, I might have some great books on the subject and obesity and poor health would no longer be issues. Perhaps I’ll work on that in 2009.

Is this your first time to resolve to lose weight? If you are among the majority of adults in the country, the answer is likely a resounding “NO”.

Why?

Well, it’s likely because whether you lost weight last year or the year before, or even before that, you’ve regained the weight. When you noticed the pounds start to return, one tiny pound at a time, what did you think? Probably little at the time….”oh, it’s just one pound….that’ll come off soon enough”…until it’s 5 pounds and then 10 and, well, you know the drill.

Is it failure? Is it lack of control? Is it weakness?

No. I do not think that it is.

I think that it’s something more and I’m going to continue to look at that closely this year - for myself, my family and my clients.

Bless Oprah’s heart, when she loses, we applaud her. When she gains, we feel her pain. Dang, if Oprah can’t do it with a trainer and cook and all the good stuff that accompanies accomplishment, then how can we expect to become successful? Remain successful? I don’t mean to be mean, but this morning I noticed that Al Roker had put on some weight. This is not meant critically, but just observation. Can you imagine what it must be like to go through the process, have people watch you, encourage you and praise you for your success and then reverse the process? Of course you can imagine it! How many times have you experienced it, yet not on television, in front of millions of people around the world?

I’ve talked with many people who’ve undergone drastic measures like gastric by-pass talk about re-gaining their weight. How frustrating that must be for them! They took very drastic measures to save their lives and found that it was not the cure-all. As the new year has unfolded, I’ve watched many commercials for weight loss food, exercise, bars to fill you up. I went to see a movie the other day and there was an advertisement for a doctor specializing in gastric by-pass surgery. He offered limo service and the ad appeared to speak to the upper echelon of society. He was, of course, rail-thin.

So, doesn’t that say that it’s not about the food - literally less about what we’re eating that what’s eating at us?

Some things to consider in the days to come: why are you eating at any given moment? When is the last time you felt truly hungry? What does satisfied mean to you? If food is my friend, would I let a friend treat me this way? These questions may spur you toward finding answers for yourself. If you need help, call me. Listening and helping people find answers is where my passion lies. I can help.

I plan to look at each of these in the coming days and see where “Just some thoughts…” can lead us in 2009.