I'm doing this for me.....

Here on the Texas Gulf Coast we're getting some much needed reprieve from our drought.  Haven't heard any details, but I'm sure that we're still in need of some consistent, well-dispersed, soft rain in order to get us back to where we need to be. Here's hoping that this year fares better, weather-wise!

So, today I'm doing two new things for me.  

I often talk to my clients about doing things for themselves.  Seems that many see this as very selfish behavior - to put themselves first.  I tend to see it very differently. I think we should put ourselves first.  And again, it all comes down to balance.

If I'm "ALWAYS" first, then things are a bit out of balance.  And if I "NEVER" put me first, choosing instead to put others  first, then things are a bit out of balance.  (A bit?  How 'bout a LOT out of balance?)

I've been out of balance for a good while. I think I've been kidding myself that I'm taking care of me, but in actuality - not really.  I'd come home and sit on the couch 'for me'.  I'd treat myself to something 'yummy' (aka 'comfort food') 'for me'.  You might recognize the pattern in yourself or in someone you love and care for.  

So, today, I'm taking better care of me to take better care of my family, my friends and my clients.  I'm going to do something physical and something non-physical which will both bring a level of relaxation.  I'll talk more about them, but for now, just wanted to put it out there that today marks a new day.  

What will you choose to do today for YOU?  Can you choose to be a teeny-tiny bit selfish if it means that you are a better your for yours?  Consider it, won't you?

Make your bed, please.

Good Monday morning to you.  Did you make your bed this morning?  If not, why not?

"I don't have time."  "I'm in a rush."  I might want to get back into it later."

Here's a challenge because I believe that you do have time.  In fact, I know you have time.   This morning, for grins, I timed myself on making the bed.  67.4 seconds.  And, I really wasn't rushing it.   I made sure that I smoothed out the sheets and pulled the blanket tight, even tucking in the extra into the side rails before smoothing out the comforter and plumping up both pillows.  I even added the pretty, decorative pillow, nicely centered, in that timeframe.  

What's the big deal, Delee, with making the bed?  I'm just going to get back into it tonight!

And of course you will!  And just think now how great it feels to pull back the covers on a freshly made bed - almost like being at a hotel only with your stuff all around you.  It's comforting and it's welcoming.  And it feels good.  

But when we're in a rush, it might be the (one of  the) thing(s) that we skip on  our way out of the door, rushing the whole way.  Remember my last post where I encouraged you to sloooowwwww doowwwwnnnn?  Here's another example of slowing it down.  When your bed is made and you look into your bedroom, it looks more put together, more complete ..... more cared for!  Consider for a moment that when you make your bed, you are caring for it, for your home and ultimately, for yourself!   You're planning ahead for how it will feel to end your day.  If your day is not one of your best, at least the ending might be a bit more comforting.  Just a thought.....

And it's not uncommon for me to hear from folks in my office that they do not make their bed.  Often because they are depressed and don't have the energy to do so.  Remember that energy begets energy.  When I talk with someone, I don't immediately rush out to have them consider medications. I want to get to know them and their situation a bit more. So, I might encourage them to do some things differently, which includes making the bed first thing.  I even tell them that I don't mind if they get back in it a few hours later.  But here's the deal - and it's no national secret - a person MIGHT think twice about returning to bed if they have to un-make the bed they took 67.4 seconds to make that morning  .....(especially after I've also encouraged them to get up, take a shower, dress AS IF they are going out for the day).  Basically, I'm asking someone to do one thing differently and see how it feels, see how they experience their life a bit differently that day.  To see if making the bed might change one thing for the better.  

Is this the new 'cure' for depression?  Probably not.  That would be bold of me.  Does it help to lift a spirit or two?  Maybe so!  Is that enough of a change?  For me, it's enough of a change for today.  And isn't it about what I do differently TODAY that might make a teensy-bit-more-of-change tomorrow?  

Just some thoughts.......make it a good one!

Sloowwwww doooowwwwnnnnn......

Happy Wednesday to you.  I am writing this to do just that......slow down.  

I've been super busy:  up since 6, away at 7:30 to grab the grandma for a routine Dr. appointment and then to work. The "routine" of the Dr. appointment takes about 3 hours all in all - with about 20 of that actually seeing the doctor.  And, he's really good about seeing us quickly.    

So, the rest of that time goes to driving, encouraging her to do the things that she needs to do to go out, slowly moving out to the car (slower in the cold!), getting her cart into the car, driving to the Dr. and doing most of the above in reverse. See the Doctor, rinse and repeat.  

It's not her fault....it's just what is.  And I can appreciate - NOW - that all of this slows me down as well.

For a bit.

Then I get back into 'gotta-get-to-the-office-and-ready-for-my-day' mode.  

Yikes!

So, on my way to grab my lunch before my first client and in the midst of phone calls in and out, I literally slowed myself down.  Made myself be more aware of slower footsteps to my lunch and back to my office.

Here's what's guaranteed - the time will pass whether we hurry or not.  My choice.  Today, I'm choosing to slow it down a bit.  It'll all be here to be done.  

Take care of you today and slooooowwwww it dooooowwwnnnnn, please.

A "different" kind of Christmas

 Merry Christmas Eve!


Today there's no hustle and bustle - it's going to be a laid back, peaceful kind of day.  The kind that we talk about having if all the food were ready, the gifts bought and wrapped, the traveling safely completed. 


I am at home, drinking my Christmas Eve coffee (which is undeniably my Saturday morning coffee, my spring and fall coffee, my coffee with friends) and it's a peaceful way to start this day.  Ottmar Liebert's Christmas Santa Fe is playing in the background and I'm taking some small strolls down memory lane:   of memories past and memories not yet made, for they are all important.  I'm 'connecting' with friends via FaceBook and experiencing their day (your day) in ways I wouldn't otherwise get to do.  I love that about Social Media even though I do believe that we need to be a bit cautious about 'all' that we share.  But I digress - that's another blog for another day.  

So why, or how, you ask, is this a 'different' kind of Christmas.  Well, to start with I want to say that I'm not a Scrooge!  I L. O. V. E. Christmas!  I love the anticipation of Christmas, the days and weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas when the world takes on a glow, an energy, a joy in the midst of craziness of Black Friday and Cyber Monday and people lining up to give away their money in a frenzy!  Been there, done that, might even do it again some day.  

But not this year. This year is different.  

Again.  

Different. 


Not bad.  Just different. 
  
Eight years ago, we began to be 'different'.  My Mom died in 2003 and that Christmas was our first 'different'.  It was hard, we were grieving, and we adjusted.  My sister and I learned how to do Christmas again, creating new traditions.  Prior to that, our Christmas' traditions stayed the same for many years.  Christmas morning started at my sister's home - we got to see what Santa brought my nephews! Then we'd head to Mom's house for gift giving and receiving and oh-such-wonderful food! 

And we'd pull out the Twister board.  

Twister, you ask? What's up with THAT?  Well, only one of our best, most funnest traditions started oh-so-long-ago by our sweet boys who enjoyed the gifting as much as anyone.  

We dividing into 'teams':  red, yellow, blue and green.  (The tiny purple mark - that was the 'team' that Andrew created for Mom.  Last Christmas, with both Mom and Andrew gone, we landed on purple!  Thanks for joining us, you two!)  We'd spin and that team would open a gift each - wow - we could really enjoy our time, stretching out the gift giving, watching each person open their gift, oooooh'ing and aaahhh'ing over them!  


Good times!


Times I miss.  I miss them because I miss the folks who are missing from our family.  I miss them because I do love tradition - that something to count on to be the same when so much changes.  (I wonder if I could toss in another 'miss' or two in that sentence?)


So what's changed this year?  The decorations you see are from last year.  I decorated my patio and hung some lights up the staircase banister.  Neither my sister or I put up a tree.  I've heard that from many people - that they just did not decorate this year.  That's different too.  In all my years as a therapist, I've not heard so many people say that they just did not decorate this year.  I hope that they are enjoying this day in a different kind of peace of the season.  I hope that they are realizing that it's not necessarily the tree, the lights, the shopping that make the season 'merry and bright'.  I miss the tree and will have it again, but I'm ok with this year's 'different' Christmas.  Last night, we Skype'd for Christmas since Matt 'n Kelsie couldn't be here with us.  Deb at her house, me here baking a pumpkin cheesecake to take to Dad's, M 'n K in the ATL with Buddy and Macy!  Next Thanksgiving, I'll remember to be extra grateful for Skype in our lives!  Getting to spend time with them, watching them open their gifts, was ALMOST as good


If there's one thing we can count on - next year will likely be another 'different' Christmas.  So, I'm heading to the kitchen to play around with something else to take for Christmas lunch.  It's a laid-back Christmas Eve.  I hope yours is Merry and Bright, quiet and calm, filled with joy, peace and laughter.  


Merry Christmas!

Move!

The wheels on your car do not rotate in forward motion on their own. The process of driving takes everything working together.  From turning the key in the ignition to shifting the gear into reverse; moving your foot from the brake to the gas pedal; fueling the car; and all of the parts under the hood doing just what they are supposed to do, working together with one another allows you to get from here to there.

And even more than that, a functioning car needs, DEMANDs, upkeep.    When we choose to not change the oil or the filters, the system clogs and the car does not run smoothly.  It might even get to the point of sputtering, choking and even stopping.  In fact, the car is telling us to pay attention – something is not working well.  What needs to happen to keep the car moving?

And it works this way with each of us as well.  It’s pretty common knowledge that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can slow down and stop as well.  And this is not always physical but is often emotional slowing down as well.  Emotional slowing down might also be known as ‘depression’.  

You’ve heard the listing of symptoms before:  constant sadness, irritability, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness or guilt (for no apparent reason), loss of interest in favorite activities, as well as trouble sleeping, low energy or fatigue, significant weight change and/or difficulty concentrating.

Depression is different than a strong emotional reaction(s) to specific situations….but that’s a discussion for another day.  Today, let’s focus on moving forward in spite of the depression.  Having said that, I want you to move forward.  

Literally.

Research indicates that movement, aka exercise, can alleviate some of the symptoms of depression. And while I would NEVER suggest that anyone stop their antidepressant medication without consulting their physician, I DO suggest that my clients begin to MOVE! 

And I will acknowledge to them that I understand that is the very last thing that they probably feel like doing. 

Do it anyway!

Moving:

•          releases the neurotransmitters and endorphins:  the ‘feel good’ brain chemicals

•          reduces immune system chemicals that can make your depression worse

•          Can increase body temperatures which can have a calming effect as well as helping to

§  Gain confidence as you meet the small challenges you set for yourself

§  Distract you from the worries you face – even if for a short time

§  Interact with others

Any of these are far better coping strategies than others you might choose such as drinking, abusing medications or simply hoping that the feelings will go away.

So, what might you do differently today?

• Get up and get dressed.  It’s harder to sink back into the couch or the bed if you are dressed for the day.  
• Make your bed.  Later you may believe that you want to crawl back into it and, as above, it will be harder to choose to get back into a made bed.
• Walk outside and take a deep breath.  Fill your lungs and consider how that feels to you.
• Walk to the mailbox and back.  It would be foolish to suggest that you run a marathon.  While you may choose to one day, this is not the day for that.  A small, baby-steps toward a change is what you’ll take on today. 
• Drink a glass of water – like maintenance on a car, do the basics of self-care.
• Eat breakfast – see above.
• Sit outside in the direct sunlight for 10-15 minutes – get that dose of Vitamin D naturally!
• Laugh!  http://www.webmd.com/video/laughter-heals  Laughter is good for the body and I’ll take  this as a form of ‘movement’ today!  And, in that vein......
• Lather, rinse and repeat.  

Don’t feel like doing any of this? 

Do it anyway.  What have you got to lose?  Make an effort to practice this for one week and see if it doesn’t make a difference.

How quickly would you notice even small changes in your car after proper maintenance? The changes might be subtle but they'd be there. You might notice less sluggishness, more PEP, better gas mileage.  In yourself, you might notice yourself smiling a bit more, more inclined to interact with others, more energy.  

Having said all of this, please know that there is also help out there.  See your physician, seek out a therapist you feel comfortable working with (www.psychologytoday.com  www.therapistlocater.com), or, if you feel too overwhelmed:  http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html. 

Sunday Lists

On Sunday mornings, my sister and I visit with our Nana.  She no longer attends church so we watch it with her on TV.

Lately it seems as though the majority of sermons are focused on  relationships. Joel, Kerry and Dr. Ed speaking on being good partners  in relationship with one another.

A couple of things stood out for me today.

Lists.

So many lists out there,  being created with 'THE' way to save a marriage or relationship.   Today, it occurs to me that if it were that easy to fix something with someone else's list, then why do we still have  challenges? Now, the lists are great-most really do make very good  sense. And maybe hope comes from knowing about, or reading, the  lists. Seems to me that a problem lies with the number of lists that  are possible. And, that they are someone else's lists.

So the challenge of the day is this: create your list for yourself!
What are the Top 10 things YOU need to do to improve your rationship
with someone you love(ed) and cherish(ed)? Instead of expecting the
other person to change, do one thing differently yourself! Create the
ripple in the pond that can bring subtle, lasting change. Notice what
happens around you. Respond to the changes that you like, enjoy and
treasure! Dont just sit there waiting....make it happen!

Dying of Thirst.......

I've been reading this weekend about The Water Cure by Dr. F. Batmanghelidj.  My sister had suggested it to me before and then again recently after I had a bit of a scare.  Two weeks ago, my blood pressure went sky high and pretty much scared me to tears. 

Or hopefully, scared me into a process of better health! 

So, I'm going to focus on this for a while and see what comes of it. 

I do not drink enough water and never have.  Until now.

In the past, I've actually been 'proud' of my ability to not have to go to the bathroom for hours on end.  How foolish I have been.  Hopefully I have not done extreme, irreversable damage to my body. 

After this weekend, it makes a LOT more sense to me as to why we all should be drinking more water.  I am not an authority on this at all and my reading on water is currently limited to Dr. Batman's book.  But I do read about health and fitness and am kinda connecting the dots in relation to recent diet fads and poor health.  As I glanced through several other books today, none of them focused on the amount of water we should be drinking.  So, for me, I'm going to look at weaving in all the bits and pieces and see how it fits for me. This will be my forum and if it helps someone - then wonderful!  If it only helps me - then wonderful!  

I've also been reading Jillian Michael's "Master Your Metabolism" and am pretty impressed by it as well.  Going to go back and take a look at what she has to say about water....I know I've seen them really pushing "The Biggest Loser" contestants to drink more water.  And haven't we all heard that forever - drink more water.  Reading Dr. Batman's book has really offered me some powerful insight as to WHY we should be. 

And, it's made me think about my clients and wonder about their water consumption.  *Just to be clear.....I am NOT a physician and will NOT be suggesting to anyone that they stop any medications in favor of just drinking more water!*  As the years pass and I continue to practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I've had to stop and consider, be curious about, the physiological aspect of the brain in therapy.  I'm intrigued by what we have going on up there....brain development is amazing stuff and I often will assure parents that much of what is going on with their kiddos is absolutely appropriate for their development stages - body and brain!  So now, I'm thinking that if we're all so very dehydrated, as I believe myself to be, then how is this affecting our brains, our mental health?  If pharmaceuticals approach/alleviate a SYMPTOM and not the source, then isn't this an injustice to helping our clients?  Our friends?  Our families? 

I may be all over the place with this so far.  If you have found me and have been reading this, I hope you are tracking and haven't given up on me.  I've never considered myself to have ADD-like tendencies until recently.  Over the course of this holiday weekend, I've found myself repeatedly going from one task to the next without completing anything!  Aaarrgghhh!  Crazy-making!  This is not me!  And, it's probably not you either!

So, for now, suffice to say that I've got a lot of thoughts about this and want to focus on it more.  I'm going to use me as an experiment and hold myself accountable by recording it here.  I've always wanted to write, so let's get on with it. 

I want to lose weight.  Not for a number but because I want to maintain the level of health that I've always believed myself to have.  (My one and only hospitalization was for an appendectomy in 1966-67?)  I want to eat healthy, unprocessed foods with ingredients that I can pronounce and know from whence they came!  My mom was a wise woman back in the early days of low-, non-fat food craze!  She always said that she'd prefer a smaller 'dollop' of real sour cream than more of something chock full o'other stuff.  Young thing that I was, I thought I surely knew more than her.  So, maybe I'm wiser now.  So, I'm going to chronicle the coming weeks here and see what happens. 

I'm going to drink water throughout the day, per Dr Batman and his Water Cure book.   I've 'got an app for that' on my phone and I've been tracking all weekend. I've already got an 'A' for today's consumption!  Yay for me!  I'm going to eat good food, 3 meals a day and one snack per Jillian.  I'm going to incorporate the right kind of salt (Himalayan Crystal salt or Celtic Sea Salt) and good fats into my diet (Coconut oil, olive oil and sparingly, real butter) in moderation. 

I'm going to pay attention to my attention span and ability to organize and keep myself organized.  I'm going to pay attention to my sleep and to my moods and feelings and how I respond to challenges that I face.  I'm going to become healthier. 

Join me?

Oh joy! In the process of blogging-by-phone and it seems I asked for help! Guess it was a bit Freudian after the week I've had. It was going to be busy and then, it stayed busier! Not much rest for the weary this week. Guess I'll be really grateful for the peace that's to come. Happy Thursday!

HELP 4

It's normal to cry

"Do not apologize for crying.

Without this emotion, we are only robots."

~ Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Virtually every week, I sit with someone who apologizes for crying in my office. I'm simultaneously surprised and saddened that they would feel this need. As a therapist it is my work to help people get into a deeper touch with their emotions. And when we go deeper, we may experience feelings that bring up tears. It's normal to cry. It's a release to cry! It's powerful to cry. It's OK to cry! And, I believe, it's necessary to cry - to allow or to give ourselves the moments of being with ourselves.

Crying does not make you or me weaker. It helps us reconnect to ourselves...the part of ourselves which is raw and authentic and often, disconnected. If even a part of me is disconnected, then it takes a lot of work to keep that part stuffed down. The energy needed to stuff any feelings is depleting when in our lives we should be about energizing and building up! What if I suggested that your tears, my tears, were all of the unspoken words we've held inside..the words which may have been brought forth but not heard by another?

It's a leap of faith to cry the 'old' tears. Trust me when I say that I know this of which I speak. I've cried the old, buried, abandoned tears. I've cried deeply and painfully. I've reached down to the core of me, down to the toes and cried it out. Sometimes one tear at a time,sometimes in floods. I know how initially draining this can be and then....how calming the release feels.

I know that if my clients have held back their tears, there is the fear that the tears, when allowed to flow, will NEVER stop.

They will.

I will hold this truth for you, or someone you know. I will trust that with the right person, in the right moment, you will find your tears and feel them begin to wash away the pain or the hurt.

I love looking at the sky....

...because it is ever-changing. You can count on the sky to be different, stunning, promising, threatening....basically a good communicator of how things are or how they will be. We have learned to read the sky and most of us are pretty good at it. We've learned "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" and based on Brian's years of fishing offshore, it's right on track.

Working with my clients, I've come to realize that we aren't as happy with difference in our spouses, partners, kiddos, family. We want them to be consistent, we want to know what to expect or depend on. And, ususally we are disappointed because that is just not how we humans roll.

So, the thought for today is this......what if you looked at the people in your lives as you begin to look at the sky.....with awe, with wonder, with amazement at the diversity that a moment can make. What if they looked at you in that way as well. How might your life be different?

So, about this picture. Interestingly enough, 2 of my friends posted similar photos on FaceBook from this exact sunset. My sister and I were at the mall, Matt 'n Kelsie were in town for a wedding and we just had to pull over and take pictures of this. Stunning, huh? I love it because it is a most unique sky and reminds me of some very good days. What do you connect to your good days?

It's ok to breathe first!

If you've ever flown on a plane, you know that safety procedures are shared almost before the plane leaves the gate. You'll hear that there are exits in the front, the rear and over the wings of the plane. If you are traveling over water, you may hear that your seat cushions can be used as a flotation devise. You will also then hear, that if the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling and the flight attendants will demonstrate how you secure the masks on your face. They will also advise that if you are traveling with small children or the elderly, you........

What do you do?

Who gets the mask first?

If you answered that your children do, you are among the majority. Most people will answer this way.
And yet.....that's incorrect.

"WHAT?" you ask in shock. How on earth could you suggest that to me? My children are precious and I must save them first. (Of course, they are precious and of course you will do what you must to save them - so, read on!)

In actuality, you are called to secure YOUR OWN MASK first and then see to the children or elderly.

"But, I can't do that. It would be so SELFISH!"

I'll come back to the idea of selfish but first I want you to stop and consider WHY they tell you this. Consider that if the cabin loses pressure, you will likely be witnessing a scene out of an "Airplane" movie: people upset, anxious, screaming and flailing about. Imagine trying to calm someone else during the chaos as you try to get their mask properly affixed. What happens if it takes some time to accomplish this? What happens to YOU and your brain, as you are deprived of oxygen? In all seriousness, if you take care of yourself, your brain will be nourished and happy and you'll be able to take care of all those around you. Now imagine that the plane recovers and goes about it's merry way. Perhaps you will have saved your child(ren) but what will become of them if you have not gotten to your own oxygen in time?

So, it would be selfish, huh? What did you learn about selfish when you were growing up? Selfish is doing for yourself and not doing for others, right?

Maybe that's only part of the picture.

I checked out the definition of selfish at Merriam-Webster and here is what I discovered:

1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others
3 : being an actively replicating repetitive sequence of nucleic acid that serves no known function ; also : being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

Now, I added the bold italics because I loved seeing these definitions and the degree or intensity of personal concern, advantage or well-being that is noted. Doesn't this suggest that there is a degree of self-care or thought that comes before excessiveness takes over?

I want you to consider this for yourself. What I tend to find is that more people become SELF-LESS instead of selfish. It's as if the "I/me" gets lost because of how we do not want to be perceived by others.

Now, I am not suggesting that you pack up and move to Selfishville. Nor do I want you to take up permanent residency in Selfless Town. I want to encourage you to consider what you NEED and WANT to do for yourself in order to continue to take care of others in that lovely little burb known as Balance. Without balance we can become irritated and resentful. And that, my friends, is a story for another day.

Take care of you!

The Full of Food Sigh

Have you ever heard of this phenomenon? I had not until recently a good friend named Rhonda and I were talking about - what else? weight loss. She told me about the "sigh" that signals when we have reached fullness and SHOULD STOP EATING! This of course caught my attention enough that it was over a full week later that I became aware of it. Last night I was eating my dinner, slowly, consciously and thoughtfully eating when I realized that I sighed! As much as my eyes wanted to complete the plate of food, I stopped. And I sat there for a moment to let it all register - isn't that the purpose of being mindful of our eating? I realized that I was indeed feeling comfortably full and there was food still on my plate. Now that? was a definite first! And so, I was able to clear the food and clean the kitchen and feel comfortably satiated.

I attended a workshop on Friday featuring Frank Kros from the UpsideDown Brain Organization. It was awesome and while the focus was indeed on the brain and ADD/ADHD, there was certainly some learning for me about the "parts" of the brain. So, there is this tiny little portion of the brain called the Hypothalmus which controls, among other things, body temperature and food satiation. This is the wonderful part of our body which tells us that we are full, if we listen to it and pay attention! While I also knew that natural light is important for our well-being, I also learned that natural light positively affects the hypothalmus. If we get too little, it decreases serotonin production - not a good thing - Serotonin helping us to produce "happy" and all. I'm sure that in future posts I'll be talking about all that I am learning about the brain because it is truly a fascinating organ and I continue to be amazed how little we realize, in our day-to-day operations what is actually going on in these bodies of ours. Therefore, important to take care of it and nurture it well. Until later......pay attention to the sigh and see how it changes your life!

Why weight?

Is losing weight one of your New Year’s resolutions? If so, you are not alone. But then, you know that. We live in a world where obesity is at epidemic proportions and we hear about it often. What does it say about our world where it makes the news to identify the fattest city in the country? What makes them fat? What makes us fat?

I don’t have the answers. If I did, I might have some great books on the subject and obesity and poor health would no longer be issues. Perhaps I’ll work on that in 2009.

Is this your first time to resolve to lose weight? If you are among the majority of adults in the country, the answer is likely a resounding “NO”.

Why?

Well, it’s likely because whether you lost weight last year or the year before, or even before that, you’ve regained the weight. When you noticed the pounds start to return, one tiny pound at a time, what did you think? Probably little at the time….”oh, it’s just one pound….that’ll come off soon enough”…until it’s 5 pounds and then 10 and, well, you know the drill.

Is it failure? Is it lack of control? Is it weakness?

No. I do not think that it is.

I think that it’s something more and I’m going to continue to look at that closely this year - for myself, my family and my clients.

Bless Oprah’s heart, when she loses, we applaud her. When she gains, we feel her pain. Dang, if Oprah can’t do it with a trainer and cook and all the good stuff that accompanies accomplishment, then how can we expect to become successful? Remain successful? I don’t mean to be mean, but this morning I noticed that Al Roker had put on some weight. This is not meant critically, but just observation. Can you imagine what it must be like to go through the process, have people watch you, encourage you and praise you for your success and then reverse the process? Of course you can imagine it! How many times have you experienced it, yet not on television, in front of millions of people around the world?

I’ve talked with many people who’ve undergone drastic measures like gastric by-pass talk about re-gaining their weight. How frustrating that must be for them! They took very drastic measures to save their lives and found that it was not the cure-all. As the new year has unfolded, I’ve watched many commercials for weight loss food, exercise, bars to fill you up. I went to see a movie the other day and there was an advertisement for a doctor specializing in gastric by-pass surgery. He offered limo service and the ad appeared to speak to the upper echelon of society. He was, of course, rail-thin.

So, doesn’t that say that it’s not about the food - literally less about what we’re eating that what’s eating at us?

Some things to consider in the days to come: why are you eating at any given moment? When is the last time you felt truly hungry? What does satisfied mean to you? If food is my friend, would I let a friend treat me this way? These questions may spur you toward finding answers for yourself. If you need help, call me. Listening and helping people find answers is where my passion lies. I can help.

I plan to look at each of these in the coming days and see where “Just some thoughts…” can lead us in 2009.

"I've never been better!"

Are you frustrated? Overwhelmed? Tired? Melancholy?

If you stop to look at your minutes, days, or weeks, what do you see?

I, personally, want to remember how grateful I am, how blessed my life is each and every day. Today, I've been reminded of it twice and that says something to me.

Earlier today I had a conversation with an incredible woman, a great friend and inspiration in my life. She told me that she plans to distance herself from negativity in this coming year. We discussed how easily it is to get caught up in the negativity and get sucked into its grip. If we look at it that way, we have no power over our own lives. I believe that if we don't have power over our lives, then we are choosing to give it to another.

Who, or what, are you giving your power to when negativity strikes?

After dinner, I read an article by Karen Rauch Carter, author of "Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life" and I was reminded of this yet again.....does it take a tree falling to help me realize or remember this stuff? It's easy folks....let's get it, shall we. Karen brought up the fact that we were angry and complaining only 4-5 months ago about the price of gas. It probably created more conversations than the state of the weather. In the recent months, how many times have any of us expressed, out loud, our gratitude that the prices have fallen so drastically? I will admit that I have and yet, probably not as much as I should, or would like to. I want to encourage you to join me on a path toward daily gratitude.

We hear it from time to time - from Oprah down to little ole' me - BE GRATEFUL! Thank someone, something! What do we miss when we are busy complaining and being negative? Well, I'd be willing to bet we miss a lot of POSITIVITY because, well, negative begets negative and therefore......might positive beget positive?

So here's an experiment....no, wait, before I suggest the experiment, let me tell you a story.

Years ago I worked for an agency in which I was fortunate enough to be able to travel to some incredible place with some really incredible people. It is a great set of memories in my life! Anyway, on several of these trips, there was a gentleman, one of the corporate guys and he was always so very pleasant. You'd say hello and ask how he was and inevitably he would answer "I've never been better!". I loved this! Every single time I saw him, or saw him greet someone else, this is what he said. And it visibly changed the situation, I observed.

So, I started saying it. Even on the days when I felt lower than low, angry, frustrated, tired, you-name-it, I would answer people in the manner of this great man - "Never better!". Instantly I would see a change in people as if they did not expect anyone to respond in this way. What a bittersweet thought, really. So, I say it and continue to get the same response and love that it seems to lift someone else's spirit. And further, it lifts my own. So, truly, I might be in a less-than-wonderful-mood, but when I say those simple words, I feel lighter and more hopeful, as if it could possibly be true. I make it so!

So let's return to the experiment. If you are reading my blog....well, first off - THANK YOU! And if you are reading this, I'd like you to try these two things, beginning tonight.

1. Be grateful. You have a computer from which to read. You know HOW to read. You are curious about the world and what other people might have to say which might be important to you and those you know. You are likely sitting in a climate controlled room, full from, or anticipating a good dinner. You will go to bed comfortably tonight. Perhaps you will simply be grateful that a not-so-great-day has ended. Be grateful.
2. Respond "Never better!" with ooomph when someone asks you how you are. You really don't need to expound on it - simply say it! Say it loud, say it proud. Observe any change in the energy around you both. Lift your spirits and then lift those of people around you! As in the movie - Pay It Forward.

Try this for a week. Let me know your experience. When you do, I'll gladly present you with a spoken word meditation of your choice from My Calming Mall. Go forth and spread POSITIVITY! Make it contagious!

Oh, and by the way, I'm grateful tonight. For all of the things listed above, for the ability to care for my grandmother, my clients, my friends. For the knowledge that self-care is vitally important and that even baby-steps in that direction are a complete and total success! I'm grateful for tomorrow. I'm grateful that we have the ability to change our world, even if it takes tiny, baby steps. I'm grateful for my life, my home, my family. For you taking the time to read this.

Relax into the new year....

Through New Year's Eve, I'm offering a 20% discount on all spoken word meditations, videos or music collections through My Calming Mall. If you are considering a change toward health in the coming year, consider my EZWalk program at 25% discount. Simply enter the discount code of 'chmas2008' when prompted and receive your discount at check-out! Download and enjoy this gift of relaxation for yourself or someone you love.

Will you give yourself 2 minutes?

Ok, just to be fair, it is 2 minutes, 30 seconds! So splurge on the extra 30 seconds and see if you feel any differently.

Anyway, Christmas has come and gone for another year. This was truly a wonderful Christmas for us all. My family focused this year on celebrating all that we have in a changing world - we create and become the glue that holds us all together, giving comfort and strength \to one another when needed. We are truly blessed to have had great moments, wonderful memories (a graceful "bye-bye" ending), great food and hope for the coming year.

While I never want to wish Christmas to hurry, I was physically aware of the toll it took this year. For the past 2 weeks, I planned to rest my body and mind on the 26th and I did! And yes, I was the quintessential couch-potato queen and proud of it! I do not do that often and so, I'm proud of myself for taking it. Stayed in the jammies, never venturing far from the couch and the TV! Mindless, dribble. No laundry, minimal cooking and only walked outside for good phone reception when I spoke with my sister or grandmother.

Several gifts come to mind from my lazy yesterday - I got it out of my system! I relished it, enjoyed it and immersed myself in it. I feel good today. I don't feel deprived or lazy at all! And, today, I've pretty much gotten back on track and the house is quiet while I work. I've been up for a very long while (the joys of getting a few more years under the belt, I hear) and feel that I've accomplished a lot.

So, did you take time to watch the video? I am very aware that time is of the essence in our world and every moment is precious. I'm challenging myself to create more powerful, thoughtful, creative moments for myself in 2009. By creative, I do not necessarily mean task-oriented. I mean creative moments that nurture and guide and enliven our spirits! Will you join me on this journey? How many minutes a day can you ~ WILL YOU ~ commit to self-care? Perhaps you'll come back here and watch my relaxation clip? Perhaps you'll visit my calming mall and give yourself 7-10 minutes of spoken word meditation or music to fall back on. Today's video music is "Pure Drift", a new piece of music that will soon be available for download.

Nurturing. The Nurtured Heart Approach to parenting challenges that a mere 600 seconds a day can change your child's behavior patterns - that's a mere 10 minutes, folks and it does work! So, here you are, taking 120-150 seconds for yourself. Can you feel the change? Perhaps in your pinky finger, your left ear lobe, the shoulders that dropped a centimeter lower than the moment before? I'm asking you to consider the tiny changes that you can make toward your greater good, your greater peace.

I used to practice yoga and loved it so very much. I'm longing to return to it for all the good that it does a body, mind and spirit. On occasion, I remember that you can deepen a yoga pose by breathing into it, lengthening and strengthening the muscles gently, not forcefully. I invite you to gently move into some new practices this year. How many years have we 'resolved' to lose weight, quit smoking, do something and the force simply was not lasting, leaving us feeling tired, frustrated and failed. Go gently into this new year. So many things we cannot change in our greater world. Let me help you make the tiny, significant changes that allow you to better cope with all that we cannot change. Breathe deeply. Rest well.

Stress Free Shopping?

Sixteen shopping days remain for this year's holiday season.

Have you finished your shopping? Do you dread the idea of even getting near a shopping mall just now? I know that I do. And yet, I love the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. It's as if the world comes alive in a little bit of a different way. I love the lights, the colors, the decorations, the Christmas carols, the smell of the trees. When I walk into a store selling trees, I get very close and breathe deeply - the smell of Christmas is in the trees, the cookies and even in the winter cold days. Ok, we don't have so many wintry cold days here on the coast so I hold the memory of each one dearly.

I have written before about relaxation music and mediations that I offer to my clients. I love the music that I offer and it can be heard in my office every single day, because it does calm and quiet the mind and soothe the spirit. Many of my clients comment on how good it feels to come in and just settle into the session.

I want to invite you to sample this for yourself. Throughout the month of December, I'm offering a 20% discount on all spoken word meditations, calming and inspiring videos. With savings like this, you might even choose a piece of music or two to add to the mix. Or, if you have difficulty deciding, you might opt for one of the compilations such as "Dream", "Breathe" or one especially for children is "Cool Days".

In addition to the above, I'm also inviting you to get a head start on that pesky New Year's Resolution by enjoying 25% discount on EZWalk, a progressive 6-week walking program that includes a companion booklet.

All of the above can be downloaded directly onto your computer or iPod. Or, you might choose one for a friend: once you've shopped for them, you'll receive an acknowledgement. If you've purchased a gift for a friend, teacher or hostess, simply forward the e-mail to them with a greeting from you. How simple and stress-free can that be?

I wish for you calm moments during the remainder of this holiday season. I know that times are challenging, and yet our homes can, and hopefully ARE, the place we can go at the end of the day to recharge our batteries. Breathe deeply and enjoy each moment.

Insomnia?

League City, Texas - December 6, 2008 - 60 million Americans suffer from some kind of chronic insomnia each year. 60 million. That’s an amazing number.

There are many causes, but recently, the economic climate and world events has led to an increase, as well the overall imbalance with our day to day lives…

Factors like too much work, not enough exercise and “downtime”.

While medications are one way to treat insomnia, there are other alternatives.

Let me outline these in this article and explain more about insomnia.

Insomnia is the sensation of daytime fatigue and impaired performance caused by insufficient sleep. In general, people with insomnia experience an inability to sleep despite being tired; a light, fitful sleep that leaves them fatigued upon awakening; or waking up too early.

Insomniacs often complain of being unable to close their eyes or rest their minds for any period of time. This author certainly knows what it’s like to have your mind racing at bedtime. In our stress-filled world, we are often plagued with unfinished to-do lists in our heads. When it’s quiet and time for sleep, many people have problems pushing those to-do lists aside in favor of dreamland.

The worst part of insomnia is wanting to sleep but being unable to. The mind races and is unable to rest and that makes you overly tired and barely able to function the next day. Sometimes insomnia lasts longer than just a few nights.

So what causes insomnia?

While there’s no one cut and dried reason why some people can’t sleep, most experts agree that insomnia is brought on by stress, anxiety, medications, and/or caffeine – among other things. Transient and short-term insomnia has many causes.

In one study, 20% of adults reported that light, noise, and uncomfortable temperatures caused their sleeplessness. Depending on the time of day too much or too little light can disrupt sleep.

Caffeine most commonly disrupts sleep. Nicotine can cause wakefulness. Quitting smoking can also cause transient insomnia.

Your partner’s sleep habits can also cause you to have insomnia. In one 1999 survey, 17% of women and 5% of men reported that their partner's sleep habits impaired their own sleep. Snoring can certainly be a factor in a partner's insomnia. In fact, in the same survey 44% of men and 36% of women reported snoring a few nights a week and of those who snored, 19% could be heard through a closed door.

Herbal remedies such as valerian root, kava kava, chamomile, lemon balm, St. John’s Wort, and passionflower have been used for insomnia for many years. However, the effectiveness and safety of these products has not been documented. Studies done on herbal remedies are often hard to interpret because they are inconsistent with standards of studies for regulated substances like prescription drugs.

According to the National Institute of Health, although the results of some studies suggest that valerian may be useful for insomnia and other sleep disorders, results of other studies do not. Interpretation of these studies is complicated by the fact the studies had small sample sizes, used different amounts and sources of valerian, measured different outcomes, or did not consider potential bias resulting from high participant withdrawal rates. Overall, the evidence from these trials for the sleep-promoting effects of valerian is inconclusive.

Even if studies report positive benefits from herbal remedies, the compounds used in such studies are, in most cases, not what are being marketed to the public. There have been a number of reported cases of serious and even lethal side effects from herbal products. In addition, some so-called natural remedies were found to contain standard prescription medication.

Using Stress Management and Relaxation…

Learning to be physically and mentally relaxed before going to bed will help you fall asleep more quickly. Additionally, many relaxation techniques can be put to use when you wake up in the middle of the night and need to get back to sleep.

Quieting your mind and body is not something that can be done immediately, so you should try to start winding down at least an hour before bed. Some people find that reading a book, taking a bath, playing solitaire or working a crossword puzzle are good ways to slow down from activity of the day.

Self-help strategies are usually effective and aren’t addictive. Using these alternatives to over-the-counter or prescription medication are less expensive than pharmacological treatment, have fewer side effects, and can provide longer lasting relief particularly when behavioral treatments are used as well.

Consider, too, altering your sleep environment. Put a board under your mattress if it sags or try putting your bed in a different position. Make sure your bedding is clean and that you are warm enough but not too hot.

If light troubles you, use thicker curtains or put a scarf or sleep mask over your eyes. If you feel more comfortable with a little light, leave the curtains open a little or use a night light.

A common cause of sleeplessness is noise. Use earplugs if it’s noise you can’t do anything about. Change your attitude toward the noise, too. People can sleep through high levels of noise. It’s not so much the level of the noise as it is how you feel about it that keeps you awake.

Use relaxation exercises to calm yourself and take your mind off of it. Take some diplomatic action to combat the noise that’s disrupting your sleep. If your family is being noisy while you’re trying to sleep, talk to them calmly about your need to sleep and ask them to please curtail the noise during bedtime hours.

Keep a radio or tape player by your bed and use it to mask other noise. Try playing a relaxation tape or CD such as nature noises that can put you in a calmer mood and make you better able to cope with distractions.

If you continue to have trouble getting to sleep for more than a few nights, you should speak to someone about it. Your local doctor or therapist can help, and provide you with a range of solutions.

Contact:
Delee D’Arcy, MA, LPC, LMFT
Delee@deleedarcytherapy.com
3027 Marina Bay Drive, Suite 110
League City, Texas 77573
713-302-6698

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“Dream” CD - $19.95

To get your own copy of “Dream” including 4 meditations and 4 amazing and relaxing pieces of music, please call me or download directly from my calming mall.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Today is extra special because - it is both Thanksgiving AND my sister's birthday! I am so proud to to be Debbie's sister, as she has always been, and continues to prove, what an amazing and awesome woman that she is! I'm happy to celebrate her today with family and friends and our favorite foods.

On Thanksgiving, we especially think about our Mom and how we now cook the holiday foods that she once prepared for us. To think of our Mom is to think of her in the kitchen, or on the back porch, as she took breaks during the preparation for the meal.

Our family continues to change and change is not always easy - that is essentially why many of my clients have choosen to begin therapy - due to changes in their lives. Our yearning for "how hings were" is not uncommon, nor is it wrong. I love that we are able to hold the memories that are special and significant to each of us. While I truly miss the people who no longer sit around our Thanksgiving table, I realize that there are lessons for me to learn in the losses. I can remember how they impacted my life and perhaps, I am more grateful for them in their absence than I was for them when they were very present in my life. That's certainly something to consider. I hopefully become even more aware that I want to celebrate even more the people as we do gather. In conversation yesterday with my Favorite Youngest Nephew, Andrew, we were reminded that perspective is so very important...we can focus on the people or things no longer in our lives, or we can be aware of all that remains constant and good in our lives. And I am so grateful for that. Imagine if all of the losses were compounded at once.

On a grander scale, I'm also remembering how this community of the Gulf Coast was & has been so recently impacted by Ike. These changes will be affecting all of us, in one way or another, for some years to come. I hold the memory of Galveston and the coastal communities as they slowly but surely rebuild.

Today I am thankful for: Brian, Debbie, Nana, Andrew, Matthew, Kelsie, Buster, Buddy and the newest addition, Bentley; Judy & Fred; Jodi, Dar, Gayle for loving Deb so much; Shelly & Tim for being wonderful, kind-hearted folks who shared Concan with us! I'm thankful for my health, my home, my opportunity to work with incredible people who trust me with their troubles and concerns, hopes and fears. I'm thankful for friends, near and far, Florida, Indiana, Tennessee, Arizona, Australia - although friends of the road, truly also friends of my heart.

I'm thankful that you believe there is something to read here and I hope your Thanksgiving day is full of joy. Remember to look for it.